There have been hundreds if not thousands of articles/ books written about what makes a good parent. The rules and what is good or bad keep changing. Remember when Time- Outs were good?! Well now they are supposedly bad for your child.
If you followed all the 'rules' of today you would drive yourself and everyone around you crazy. Your child may grow up expecting everything to be done for them, not understand that everything is not put on a silver plate, that there are winners and losers (in sport and in life).........Yet........they Will all be in touch with their feelings and have lots of trophies.
My belief (not saying it is correct) is there needs to be a 'happy' medium in talking out your feelings, and good old fashioned parenting. Let them know that they are not always going to make the team, they are not always going to win, respect is earned not given, they not always going to succeed even when they have done all they can, and on occasion a hiding is just around the corner.
I grew up when winning or losing in sport happened, you earned your trophies, you strived to be the best (knowing you were not always going to win) and if you did not listen or were disrespectful your behind was going too tattooed with your dads hand.
Kids receiving trophies just for participating I believe robs them of many valuable lessons. The goal is to have fun, try your hardest and hopefully win. If you lose you train harder, practice more and learn your limitations. I lost many matches against better players/teams, but every time I played against a better team/player my skill level improved, and I tried harder. The times I did get upset about losing were when I knew I (or the team I was playing in) could have won and I/we did not fulfill my/ our potential. Otherwise I practiced more to hopefully win the next match.
By receiving a trophy for participation what other lessons about life and themselves have they lost out on?!
Growing up with 3 brothers all over 6 ft. respect for our mom and dad (a lot smaller) was very important. We knew who the 'queen' of the house was, and if we ever disrespected the 'queen' we knew that there would be hell to pay. We also learned at an early age when my dad said no, to save your breath and not to carry on asking.
RESPECT from your children is extremely important. If you let your child talk to you in a disrespectful manner or swear at you, you are setting yourself up for many tough years. You are their parent first then their friend.
Respect for your children is also important. We grew up with no curfews (from age of 18 -when got drivers in South Africa), as our parents respected our judgement. I cannot recall any of us ever being grounded over the years. Our parents had our respect and we had earned theirs.
LOVE.....there is not a day that your child should feel unloved. There is a difference between like and love. You may not like your child's behavior (or them at a certain time) which you can let them know, but they should always know that your love is unconditional. To this day, I have never felt unloved by my folks. Did I get hidings, was I told no, did they not like me sometimes, sure, but did I ever think they did not love me.......Never.
Let them know that they are not always going to make the team, they not always going to win, respect is earned not given, you not always going to succeed even when you have done all you can, you don't always have to be the best, having fun is important, success takes time, nothing is free in life (besides maybe your love), spend only what you can afford, you going to have to work for your success, you don't have to be liked by everyone, people are not always going to see how brilliant you are, family is extremely important, and YOUR LOVE FOR THEM IS UNCONDITIONAL
Every child and parent is different. If you like time outs, talking out your feelings, the tattooed behind or whichever new age book is currently out that is your choice.
Good luck on your continued learning journey of doing the hardest job in the world.
* You are never truly ready; however when you are ready to think of someone before yourself that is a good start
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